As some of you may know my income is controlled by my brothers and I have to go to Ireland to discuss my finances with them on a fairly regular basis. That is not a problem and works well and ensures that I do not overspend.

However the problem arises when I get back here to Amsterdam. My partners mother spends money like it is going out of fashion, She is by no means well off and every week without fail she phones us looking for money. If we say no she starts to cry and my partner feels awful although I feel personally let her cry, she might manage her own money if it wasnt so free flowing from us. She went on holiday last year (she goes every year abroad) we pay for it. But she asked for 1,500 USD spending money. Now it doesnt matter how much money a person may have but this is taking the biscuit. She put up an awful scene until she settled for 1000 USD. But every week she gets between 100 and 150 dollars from us. I am sick of it. I have done without things and cut back as I had to give her money. She gets a reasonable pension and there are 5 other siblings in the family who do not contribute to her welfare. I feel used and a soft touch.

What brought it all to a head was I came back Saturday from Ireland after a finance meeting with my brothers, I usually bring back cash with me to lodge to my account. This is money I have inherited from my family and I use it for bills, investments, and the odd holiday. This time I didnt bring back money as it didnt warrant it.

Within in an hour of me coming in the door she was on the phone looking for money, she asked my partner for 40 euro and he truthfully said he didnt have it. Then she said "Oh well, Paddy is back, he is loaded so get it from him and try and get more out of him".

I was horrified and raging mad. I feel I am just being used. They talk about me in colloquial dutch so that I cannot understand what they are saying but as my classes in dutch progress I understand more and more. My mother left me very valuable silver ornaments which I have in the apartment and I caught her making fun of them, saying she could buy the same in the market for a fraction of the price, that hurt me greatly.

Am I just being selfish and should freely give the money or am I being used. I just dont know what to do. This may sound extremely selfish to some of you but the money she gets is not going on bills and daily living but on clothes etc.

Am I being mean. I have been getting a disability allowance from the government until recently and have being living within this but this has come to and end and my partner is up to his eyeballs in debt so we live off my money. And that money is not a bottomless pitt, that is my retirement pension and all financial obligations that I have to meet.