(((((Sanity Seeker))))))) there's not much use in stting and wishing things had been done differently. They weren', and you don't know how things would have gone if you had done things another way. The point is, where do you go from here.
You deserve to be respected more as his mother. period. He deserves to have a mom who can risk him not liking her for a bit. That's all. I know it is really really hard to have to take that on when you aren't feeling well and when you have memories that make you feel badly about standing firm and about words like "respect". "Respect" does not have to be fear. It just means he can trust you to do as you say.
Isn't it horrible how our pasts can totally trash all the wisdom and learning we can lend to toehrs, just when we need it most? I can be putty with My oldest. Just don't tell him
Huggs hon. I hope you can find a way to handle this with him.