I'm really scared that my dysthymia is turning into a major depressive episode.

I normally am just low and have low energy and non-emotional (I think apathetic is the right word but maybe not that bad).

Since I got sick with strep I've lost interest in a lot of things that I usually enjoyed (mostly different websites that I play games on).

Now I'm just tired ALL the time. I can't get enough sleep. I have no appetite I force myself to eat lunch everyday and eat supper with friends usually so it's a bit easier to eat in a positive atmosphere. I'm passively suicidal if that's a word (I think I saw someone else use it and it kinda fits me I think). I wouldn't mind dying but I don't want to kill myself.

All of my muscles ache and are so tired. It's like this dull achy pain starting in my lower back and goes down into my legs. My neck and shoulders are also the same way.

I take vit. B12 for anxiety and if the pain gets bad I take tylenol or aleve but that's rare. I don't take anything for depression because the ones I've tried only made it worse or did nothing at all.

I can barely drag myself out of bed for work. My days off I go to bed usually around 1 or 2am and don't get out of bed till 3 or 4pm. On the days I work I get up at 10:30 or 11 since I go to work at noon usually. I like the people I work for and usually like my job but I'm getting burned out. I work part time at a cafe and have been there since the end of September. I force myself to go in and do my job each time but it's starting to overwhelm me. This is "normal" for me. If I work part time I can go 6 months before I start getting burn out, if I work full-time it's about 3 months. Each time though it seems to be getting stronger and worse. I'm applying for disability but I doubt I'll get it since I don't have much on my medical record. I don't have money or insurance to see anyone regularly.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to pull myself out of this slimy hole I'm in? I'm realizing now that I can't do this on my own anymore, especially since the voices have become more negative this past week. (I have DID) I keep ignoring them and they're getting louder each day and the headaches are worsening but I don't know if they're DID headaches or tension.