Quote:
Originally Posted by purple_fins
It sucks to have a narcisstic parent.  I can so relate.
Maybe you've already done this... but with my mom... I have an answering machine and if she sounds agitated, I don't pick up the phone.
I've even told her once "mom, I'm not going there with you. I am willing and would love to talk to you when you can be kind".... then I hung up.
through therapy I've learned to NOT ALLOW myself to get caught up in my mother's drama and self-pity. We do have control in many ways. We can teach people how to treat us and what we will tolerate-- it may take a long while but people are trainable  .
I've decided if it means not talking to my mother for 6 months then that's what it means. I can still send her birthday gifts, Christmas gifts and Mother's day greetings but -- I don't have to engage myself into her abusing me.....
I just hate that you-- a loving daughter -- are not being respected the way you so deserve. I imagine your mother will do it again........ that really sucks..... 
fins |
Yeah, I'm a well-therapized soul myself. 8 years and counting. I figure every year cancels out 2 of living with her, so hopefully I'm about done
. Don't know though, those early childhood years, they pack a wallop don't they?
But I swear, sometimes it feels like that woman is positively
fishing for things that push my buttons. Maybe she is....
I'm really good actually at disengaging, and just letting the rant dissapate on its own. It's just easier on us both (okay me, I don't think she gets it) and to be frank, the apology is more than I've gotten in the past when we've clashed. At least I've trained her that far.
However, it's like she pulled out the manual, flipped to the section on "what to do if someone responds angrily to my rants" and said "let's see.... it says here that one should apologize if one makes another angry (see section on hurt). For instructions on how to apologize, please turn to section 4.8.1 entitled Apologies for "mistakes".
Maybe one day, if this happens again, it will be a sincere apology, which I can assure you, would be more than enough from her.
Hopefully though, I will have learned a valuable lesson here - there is NO GOOD REASON to engage - and it will never happen again.
One day maybe i'll be perfect and maintain perfect boundaries. All I know is that I'm human and sometimes just get fed up with dealing with it.