we did talk about the weekend, a little bit. She asked me what I did to not od on Sat night, the night I called her. I told her about calling the local crisis line and their phones being down, we both kind of laughed at that.

then I told her an online friend gave me an 800# to call (thanks so much, googley! ) and about the song I heard when I was on hold, and that I did talk to someone at that number but hearing that song right then was pretty much all it took to give me a little hope. She understood that, we have talked a lot about my music and how it gets me through.

I also told her that I did imagery in the form of imagining my kids going to my funeral. It's not the feel-good type imagery that I think she would prefer I use, but it WORKS.

And I told her about coming here and getting and giving support.

I didn't, however, talk to her about how I felt sort of abandoned or unimportant after I talked to her Sat night. It didn't seem like it mattered in the moment, to go back over that. T said "you're still alive, that's what I care about"

I had to ask her again as I left if I could call her this week, and she apologized for not remembering to tell me (last week she asked if I need to hear that from her every week and I said yes...) and she said yes, please call me! Not, call me if you need to, but please call me. It made me feel good, to be able AGAIN to ask for what I needed and to AGAIN have a validating and compassionate response. I felt cared for.