...yeah sometimes we are a mess...key word is "we"...meaning you are not alone...all of us are in this together.
Jmo, but most people will be a mess at some time in their lives. It may not be for the same reason, but they will still be a bit of a mess, part of being human.

I hope your appt went well and you have concrete answers about getting home to your loved ones.
They know you are doing your best and will stand by you as you make peace with the reflection in the mirror.
Don't beat yourself up about your crap....you didn't ask for it, you are doing what you need to do, and it does get better.

I identify with the tiredness, anger, frustration...I also got fed up with feeling that way. My T helped me turn that into motivation to do what I needed to do. If I wanted to have any peace in my heart, I was going to have to work at it. There was a bit of a rhythm that developed the more I worked at facing these things and accepting my feelings.
Was it easy? Hell no
Was it worth it? Hell yes

Paraphrased quote: "When you are going through hell, keep walking...crawling is all right, too."
With each step or inch in the crawl, you'll get closer to feeling more at ease and enjoy peace.
Oh, before I forget...when you are walking through it, you will have many folks doing the same thing at the same time.
We walk our own paths, parallel to each other but we reach out and steady the one who is faltering. We give, we get.

In Peace