I hope you've sought some kind of therapy to deal with these feelings. I know they can be so overwhelming one can't seem to think clearly enough to seek help sometimes. I, myself, have been in your same exact boat. It took me years to learn how to deal with this disease, and meds started me off on the right track. I started on Pristiq and Buspar to initially get my symptoms under control. Followed by months of Psych-therapy........and now I still feel the symptoms but have learned to control my response to them.....
Please keep posting, support is always here to receive...good luck...Y