Oh my Zooropa!

I swear we have the same T, they sound SO much the same. Yeah! for you for getting that out! I KNOW the feeling of not wanting to be seen, especially then. I am sure your T won't take that personally, I think it might be common for those who have had really tough pasts. This is a really good thing for your T to know because she will start to notice you trying to hide and will help you stay with her during the hard times. I slouch as far as I can get into the loveseat sometimes, I wish the loveseat would swallow me up. lol

My T also asks what and where I am feeling things and sometimes I honestly don't know. Some times I don't know and sometimes it is because I am dissociating too. I think she uses it as a gauge of where I am in the moment.

I think part of your T asking you is not so much for her to "catch you" but for you to recognize the feelings yourself. The more and more my T has done this, slowly I am actually knowing what different feelings feel like instead of being numb. Showing feelings were not safe for me as a child, but it is now and I am not as scared as the really hard ones like sadness and anger. It gets easier and eventually when your T asks you this, you will just answer her and go on like it isn't a big deal. But showing emotions as an adult is really hard if you were taught to suppress them especially for safety. It feels SO vulnerable and I hate that feeling still but I am learning to move through it.

You are doing great work and you were really brave. I think I know where you are coming from, and what you did in your session is HUGE! I see it as you trusting her more and this leads to great things. You can't make it happen all at once, but you are going in the right direction.

I think once we can identify our emotions, we soon can learn to tolerate them more because not knowing what we are feeling is a lot more scarier than knowing. When you allow your T to see you (which you did a lot of that in your session) you will allow yourself to trust yourself that you will be okay in that moment. When this slowly happens, much healing will take place. I am so excited for you!