Quote:
Originally Posted by exoticflower
I think part of your T asking you is not so much for her to "catch you" but for you to recognize the feelings yourself. The more and more my T has done this, slowly I am actually knowing what different feelings feel like instead of being numb. Showing feelings were not safe for me as a child, but it is now and I am not as scared as the really hard ones like sadness and anger. It gets easier and eventually when your T asks you this, you will just answer her and go on like it isn't a big deal. But showing emotions as an adult is really hard if you were taught to suppress them especially for safety. It feels SO vulnerable and I hate that feeling still but I am learning to move through it.
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thank you, exotic
My T and I have talked alot about the difference between how I feel and how I look. I have learned through my life to hide what I'm feeling, always. It is SO SO SO hard to show that, even a little, even in the safety of therapy.
I think my T is really perceptive so she has learned to see the little clues in my behavior that show what I'm feeling inside, but I'm sure it's hard. I just feel like I have to hide my feelings to be safe, even when I don't want to hide my feelings, letting it all hang out is just toooo scary.
I'm sure this is why I haven't cried in T. I'm waiting for the day when I will cry, and I have a feeling my T is, too. I hope it comes. I hope I'm able to feel something and let it show and learn that it's ok to do that.