When I first started treatment, I thought I was ready to "work", but honestly I was terrified of getting better and then failing. I didn't know "how" to work therapy or the process. I didn't even know if there was any hope for me to get better. I am not saying you are there but some people can be and not even know it. This therapist will most likely be the type that will challenge you a bit so you may want to strongly consider that. Obviously you want to work, because as you said you went to an appointment that you weren't really looking forward to, but this was your first session and you two are feeling each other out. In any event I hope you are safe and do what is best for YOU. There are times when I can be pushed and other times that I can't, as anyone else, and knowing where I am at is hard. Shalom.