Hi, I think you are making healthy steps. You examine your behaviour and make connections. Its very good!

The next step is maybe to talk to a professional T about that so he/she can help you understand what your thought process and change that hurtful behaviour.

I wonder why you are punishing yourself.

You say that you had an argument with your husband which left you angry. It seems to me that at that moment your needs were not met and you resorted to unhealthy coping skills. You can change these skills into healthy ones with a help of a good T.

And by the way - no need to feel stupid - you are human and we do what we learnt. This behaviour comes from somewhere. You are a smart woman and honest to identify this as unhealthy. I wish you positive and lasting healing!