((( peaches )))

I had this conversation with my husband last night, almost exactly.

I was having a hard time keeping it together, he came home late from work and was wound up from a stressful day, and I was upset, and starting to fragment, but then he started coming at me and triggering me left and right, and I was doing everything in my power to keep from letting certain parts "out", and so others were more or less taking over at that point, and he kept yelling at me to look at him. "Just snap out of it", etc. Which as you know, it doesn't work like that. And what's strange, is that my husband KNOWS that, it was not typical behavior for him. It was obvious that he was projecting a lot of his own stuff on to me, and so I did my best to tell him to back off, but then he just climbed in bed and went to sleep, leaving me to try to pull everyone back "in" on my own. Which never goes well. I ended up waking him up in tremors fighting back sobs. It was a rough night.

I don't know if my sharing this with you helps or not, but it just felt so similar to your situation, and how you feel you are being pushed to "just snap out of it", and I just wanted to let you know, I understand.

Over the years I've actually tried to fool myself into thinking that it's just that easy, creating a pretty hurtful inner dialogue of, "you're just doing this for attention", "you know you can control this", "just make it stop, just do it" kind of stuff. And it just never works like that.

Now that I'm working with the parts of myself with more sensitivity and acceptance, I am finding that things are going much better. They can communicate to me through various ways, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I can try to make sure that everyone knows the way they feel is not only allowed, but respected. And it is making a world of difference.

I have had a few "alters" coming "out" more clearly, and some that don't want to talk to me, but still have their own strong thoughts and emotions that I catch floating about.

Do not allow the pressure from others to dictate to you where you should or shouldn't be is what I'm getting at. You are where you are. And all the parts of you deserve to be respected, accepted and loved. They are there to protect you. Obviously it's much more complex than all of this, but I think you get what I'm saying.

Sorry, rough day so I'm all over the place myself.