monty,

you're slipping into some darkness of thought here sweetie. this isn't the you we know and love. this is the disease talking.

nobody is laughing at you. nobody is hating you.

feeling hopeless is part of depression/bipolar.

we're more than willing to bet that how you're feeling currently is related to lack of sleep and recent health concerns. nobody would be able to handle much in daily life dealing with the health issues you have..........than add your other illnesses to that and it is a lot to manage.

that's why when you're feeling as you have written here you reach out to us and we all remind you that you're worth it, you matter, we DON'T hate you and so on.

we haven't lost hope for your getting better. we have hope that you'll get through this down time and see the light again and keep on that path toward wellness.

with faith,
__zh