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I’m so stupid
Strange I feel bad so I hurt myself, then I feel bad about hurting myself and it makes me what to hurt myself even more. Such a stupid cycle, I know this but I jumped right in the middle of it again.
stupid, Stupid, STUPID
Now I have gone and done something else that is unbelievably stupid. Sent someone an email I regretted sending it the second after I clicked send, but you can’t un-ring a bell, it is out there and there isn’t a dam thing I can do about it. I said some things that I shouldn’t have (not bad just dumb). She is a good person and will probably understand but still I feel like such an idiot. On the plus side while the urge for me to continue the cycle of SI has grown, I can’t do it, I’m even too stupid for that. If I hurt myself again she might feel a bit guilty even though she shouldn’t, but that is often the problem with nice people they care. So it seems that my stupidity has bought me at least a few days where I won’t SI, guess sometimes stupid is a good thing.
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