I'm sorry for not posting sooner....just been going through alot mentally for the last few weeks.

Another failure on my part.....I quit physical therapy. It involves my physical therapist (a man) touching me and I think it may have triggered me, making me feel like I can't do it anymore. I just can't seem to follow through on anything. I even have checked on finding a counselor or therapist to help me deal with things and it seems like I have so many issues. I am just trying to take each day in stride. Although it's a process, I am trying. I just don't know how to cope anymore. I just seem so sensitive lately. Just looking for a therapist brought me to tears today. Am I really ready to heal?

I thought about writing down my thoughts in a journal. As I'm writing this I am in tears. I feel so lost.... . Can anyone suggest something for me to read? I just feel like I need something to grasp onto so I don't drown. My emotions just seem to be so raw and tender. I can't understand it. I feel so abnormal, I'm 42, but I still feel like I'm a child....lost and wandering through life. I want to thank everyone again for being so supportive. It is comforting to know that I can say anything here and not feel like I have to hold anything back. You all here are my lifeline right now. I know that I'm not alone here.....and most of all I feel safe here. I feel right now that I have put on a face for so many years.....you know that happy face....that nothings wrong, when inside I feel so sad, angry, confused, crazy, abnormal....I could go on and on.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't been ignoring anyone, each day for me is a process now.....do I think about it today, or do I just throw myself into the day with household duties....life is becoming harder and harder each day. I just don't know anymore.....I'm tired of denying feelings and pushing them away.....i feel so numb. Please keep me in your thoughts.....as I will of all of you. Thank you again....
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