ty _zh, i know logically that I've been like this before. think that's where a lot of fear comes from too. my knowing how bad i can get and feel. and i know logically that i have gotten better in the past. but right now the emotional part is over taking the straight logical thinking. i just don't know right now how to make it any better. lost in an emotional black hole. i can't stand the way i feel. i'm trying not to numb my feelings because i know the way i numb is unhealthy also. so what do i do?? i can't eat my way to numbness or drink my feelings away. i'm feeling very stuck. i've gone walking, been out shopping. i've tries the many ways i've been taught to feel better. but i just feel so much worse. i go out in public and feel ppl laughing at me. i know this is my head playing tricks on me. but i can't stop it. i just don't know what to do.