Byzantine....that would be the question of the day....why am I blaming myself? Because that's just the way my brain operates. I'm upset? my fault somehow - you're upset? also my fault. I grew up with an alcoholic and learned early that it was a good thing to say you are sorry and that I shouldn't be selfish and only want things for myself because that's not how good girls who get Daddy's attention act. Good girls get straight A report cards, keep the house clean, do the laundry and do not talk back or have differing opinions. If something goes wrong, it is always myfault. It's not that I don't know where the garbage comes from, it's that I'm not on meds so I don't recognize it until after I've had a meltdown.