(((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you didn't hear back from anyone today. I can't imagine how frustrated you are, and compounded by the lack of sleep it must feel pretty unbearable. Ugh!

I do have one thought about T. I'm not making excuses for her...but I am wondering, do you think she has something going on in her life that is distracting her? I guess I'm remembering a couple of weeks ago when she said she's "not good at compartmentalizing". It made me think she has something going on in her life. I know that my T, who I think is so wonderful in general, has REALLY dropped the ball at a couple of key moments because his own life was crazy. Not moments like "hey, I need to touch base, can you e-mail me", but moments like "I've never felt this bad and I don't know what I'll do if someone doesn't help me". It SUCKED that he dropped the ball, and it was really hard to work through it with him, but it was worth it. We already had enough of a relationship established (like you and your T) that I didn't want to throw it all away and start over with someone else...and I didn't know if I COULD go back to doing it "on my own" at that point.

Another thought I had is this...have you talked to T about seeing her twice a week instead of once? Do you know if that is a possibility? I did not do well AT ALL seeing T once a week...twice a week works a lot better for me, because no matter how hard things are, it's not *too* long before I can see T again.

If none of this is what you need to hear right now, just ignore me, for real. I don't know why I'm jumping into "problem solving" mode. I guess because I care about you and I'm worried about you, and no matter HOW crappy everyone is being right now, I really don't want you to cut yourself off from all of your support.

Is there a middle ground? Between "these people are great at supporting me" and "I'll do this on my own with no help and no meds". Maybe "this sucks but I'll put up with it because I need what I can get for now, and as soon as I can I'll move to another county where it will be better". I don't know.

I'm SO SORRY, zoo.