I am back down again. Far down. Like almost in the hospital down. I am going to start an Intensive outpatient program next week. I told my partner, and she got sad. I worry that she will grow tired of my illness and leave me. She says she won't, but I still worry. I am just trying not to keep bringing it up. I have had lots of bad thoughts, drinking, SI, and other stuff, but at least my pdoc and T know about it. So I am not alone. I just wish this would all go away and stay away forever.