I sent a pm to someone tonight and it triggered one of the worse panic attacks ever in me. I couldn't breathe at all in or out and started vomiting and couldn't stop till I found myself dry heaving. My lips turned blue from not being able to breathe and the pressure in my chest was so intense it felt like my lungs were going to explode. My head hurts so bad. My ears and eyes are burning, maybe some of the stomach acid went into my sinuses? This whole thing didn't last very long 2 minutes maybe 3 but I'm still shaking so bad and it's been 22 minutes now

All this and I don't even know what it was about the PM that triggered me like this. I don't remember the message. I just hope the person that I sent it to can forgive me if it was upsetting to them as it was to me. That is never my intent to anyone. I have no reason to purposefully hurt anyone here.

I just feel so guilty. I'm spending my life atoning for a haunted conscience, and I don't even know what it is I feel guilty about always like this. I don't know if this feeling will ever go away, or if I actually want it to go away. It's not that I "like" feeling so miserable, but it's such a part of my life I'm scared of what I will be left with if it's taken away. Much like something someone said to me yesterday afternoon which really struck a chord with me and helped me see that everyone has something they're hanging on to, but needs to let go to heal.