I have not been able to come here at all and I apologize to each of you with grief issues for not being here for you lately.

First off I am approaching the one year Mark of my very dear friend's death. She was many things to me and it seems, as much as I hate the word MOTHER, she had a maternal role in my life. She was a teacher, she taught me so much about being human and alive. I still can't believe she is gone and the pain at writing this is almost unbearable. I need to go to her river and swim before it cools more. My son is moving home next weekend but I think I am going to go, maybe take my youngest and camp there. My pain now is right here. so powerful.

Other grieving, loss of daughter, loss of relationship with another daughter, loss of youth and the thoughts of youth that anything is possible.

Alone, no one can really bail me out. Why is life so hard.

Please remember my dear friend Jane.