I know what you mean about trying to set boudaries when you can't identify what are realistic boundaries because you are always wrestling with what is real or just an overheated emotional response. Stressors all start to blur things together and it is hard to know what the real issue is. I feel for you.

Somehow in the midst of it all I think it is important to take care of you. If only for an hour a day to just focus on doing something that makes you feel some peace. Some separation from all the stressors. Your own quiet time when you don't think about anyone else but you. It is okay to be selfish if only for this one hour a day.

I know for me when I was dealing with a patterned life of giving and doing all of myself to others it was really hard to get that one hour a day. It was my first lesson with boundaries. I had to actually leave the house, which a part of me resented but it was the only way to stop the chorus of 'requests' from me. I took up gardening and the garden became my sanctuary. It is where I go to just be present in the moments. I call it my no thinking zone. It is where I take a break from everyone including my own head that was otherwise constantly racing with worry thoughts and all the questioning.

You can't fix everything but you can give yourself a break. If you don't it is just a matter of time before the pressure breaks you. Answers and perspective will be easier to find if you attend to your own needs for an escape from the pressure of overthinking and over worrying about everyone else.

Be good to you and don't let thoughts of selfishness deny you the self care. You are not a machine.

Wishing you well.