With some help (from PC ) I've figured out the main reasons why I'm afraid to talk about it with my T:

"I'm afraid that I might be weak. That I might cry or show emotion. That I'll tell her everything and that she'll see me for me, with nothing else to hide behind. I'm afraid of losing that one last secret. That she won't be as strong as I need her to be. I think my worst fear is that I'll spill everything, and she'll say it wasn't abuse, that it was consensual or "normal childish curiosity". I've been trying so hard to push her away or find a reason not to trust her...what happens next?"

After giving it a lot of thought and talking about it to several people (including two survivors I know IRL), I know I'm going to talk about it when I see her on Monday. I'm scared, but it's for the best. Though I'm very torn and ambivalent in emotion about it, I do sense a small and hidden (but strong) hope for the future. That maybe I can exist and be okay without all these walls I've constructed around myself .