((((((justfloating))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Mine recently died and so I know it is hard. I am sorry that you are unable to return home for the funeral. While you expect to cry when you talk to your grandmother don't feel bad about that. Crying is expected. It shows in a visual way how much his life meant to you. Can you also call and talk to your parents or other relatives? I know talking to my relatives helped. We shared positive family stories as a way to celebrate his life. Know that even if you cry once, it does not mean that it is necessarily the last time you will cry. It can hit you at odd moments. The other day I was working out and reading a magazine article and was overwhelmed by the feelings of loss. So it is a process that takes time.

I agree with the others about trying to keep your schedule going. If you haven't you should tell your professors about your loss. I can't believe that professors in Scottland are too different than professors in the US. My professors were very supportive. Being that many of my friends had not been through the loss of someone close to them, the professors had, and so understood how much the experience can take out of a person. Are you in T this year? If so make sure to talk about it with your T. I haven't yet talked about it much and so can't say it would help, but believe it would. Please take care of yourself. I totally understand the looking into space experience. I went to lab meeting the night after I found out and before i flew for the memorial service and pretty much just sat there. But it helped to be around other people.