Hi. I'm Melanie. I have a problem that I'm not sure I understand, and I hope you can help me. For a long, long time, I didn't want to admit I had this problem, and I guess I really still don't. I thought I didn't fit the symptoms of D.I.D. enough for it to really be a problem in my life - I don't black out, and I only have one alter, who I thought I got along with just fine. He does take over, but I thought I was aware enough during to be able to stop him from doing anything that I wouldn't do... but it turns out that's not the case.

He, a straight man, got an internet girlfriend who is quickly become a real-life girlfriend, and both he and she want to make the relationship monogamous - as in, I, a straight woman, may not date ANYBODY. Because it would hurt her feelings. This girl who I've barely spoken to for more than fifteen minutes in their three year relationship. She knows I exist but he hides me from her, and I guess I hide from her too. I don't know how to talk to her.

I don't want to ruin their happiness. I know I must be benefitting from it somehow - we must be the same person, he and I, on some level - but I don't think it's fair that they just completely butted me out of this. The girlfriend thinks I'm evil or something because he keeps inviting her over or doing things with her that I am not okay with, and so the few times I've spoken to her, I've sort of yelled at her in a panic - it's not because I hate her, it's because I'm extremely upset at what's happening.

I really don't want to ruin their happiness, but what am I supposed to do? Am I just supposed to pretend I don't exist? That's what they want me to do, I think! ... I'm scared. I know this girl is his happiness, and when he's not happy, I can't be happy. But I don't know if I can live with being a nonentity in my own life.

I need some advice from people who know what it's like to live with alters... please, what can be done in this situation? When I think about it I just get so confused. I know that he must really just be another part of myself, but I can't think of him that way, and he does things I would never do. (I didn't think he would... but he did. He's broken promises I've made, promises I never wanted to break.) I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, or if I've offended you - I don't have a diagnosis of D.I.D., but this is something I've been living with for years, and I don't think I'm faking or deluding myself some how. Or if I am, it's gotten out of my control. I just don't know what else to do.