You have the strength to get through this - you opened up to your H and now you're taking it to your pdoc. And like you said it makes it all real to you now - so it's natural to have it bring you down. But you'll do okay - you have the strength to get through this - you sound like a fighter, someone who won't give up. You should try to feel good about the fact that you were able to talk to your H about this, and your pdoc. {{{cat eyes}}} Big hug