((((Envision))))

Thank you for posting. I have asked this question many times and still do each time I work through something else that I did not bring upon myself. I think that there really is no answer. For all things happen for a reason and sometimes we do not know that reason for a long time. For some, it is to understand and reach others that have been where they are, for some it is what life has thrown at them. For me, I think sometimes that maybe a part of it was to be able to be here with all of you wonderful people and to give and accept.

I still ask why? I still ask how? I am not sure those questions will ever be answered. Maybe the better answer is what am I going to do now to live and go forward. I know that is not an easy question at all. Everyday I struggle trying to put the pieces back in some sort of an order that would resemble a hint of a human. My heart is shattered in so many tiny pieces that it is hard to even know that is what it is.

But each day that I come here and I reach out to others and I listen or share, I think I grow a little where I never had before. Listening to others and hearing how they find their way and work through things gives me hope that someday if I keep reaching and I keep getting up when it feels as though I cannot go another step, somehow I will make it.

It is not easy and somedays tears fall and the pain hits me to where I feel as though I cannot stand or take another step, but yet, I reach. And through so many people's words and stories, I find those pieces that connect somewhere for me what seems to be lost or not there. Sometimes when the words just will not come, someone else says just the right thing that gives me the strength to step one more step and to reach one more day.

For the first time, I have realized that that little girl did not ask for those things to happen. She was not bad, nor was she worthless. She had no choice but to do what she was told. Does not make it right, but it does relieve her of all the guilt and shame. And though I am not always there, I can see it for now which is something I could not always see.

Taking time to step back and to breath. Taking one day at a time and sometimes even one second at a time gives us a chance to just be. Some of us hever had that chance. Some never knew it was possible. I know for me, I never knew that was even a choice.

Thank you for your post. I do not know if what I said made any sense but it is how I feel. Sometimes these feelings come and go as they have not learned to stick yet. They are in my head just cannot seem to get them to my heart. Maybe that is because the heart never knew.

Please keep posting and letting us know how you are. Sending gentle hugs.

dps