(((((((((((((((Monty)))))))))))))))

i'm so sorry for how badly you're feeling.
i know that you hurt so much and wish i could take all of the pain away.

i can relate so much to not having a friend to just be with- to sit and talk to. i haven't had a friend like that either - It hurts a lot to feel so lonely. i'm so so sorry
((((((((Monty)))))))) safe hugs.

You are not a freak. Please never let thoughts like that stay because they're not true.
Maybe you can ask one of your parts if there's anything that would make them happy to do, instead of trying the other 'learned' things like shopping to feel better.
That doesn't work for me either.
Sometimes when i'm not strong enough to step out on my own, a part will be able to- that's why i said it that way.
So Please keep writing here and be in touch with your T when you need to be. Please be safe, Monty.
i hope that something good will happen - a new opportunity.

sending peace and comforting thoughts. Please hang in until you feel better.

love,
kerria