I am sorry you are feeling badly today after your disagreement with your daughter. I hope you start to feel better soon. The post stressor blues can be rough but they will pass. Show yourself some special kindness today. Maybe a mother daughter outing would help lift your spirits and give you and your daughter a chance to talk.

I guess I will add my 2 cents to your dilema. First I think you were wise to keep your daughter home from the movie date. Clearly it was a date and either your daughter was being dishonest or naive. If it was as innocent as she suggested then there would be no reason to lie or dance around the question. That alone in my opinion is reason enough to cancel her plans. It is also not okay to ask you to lie to your husband. Parents must have a united front when it comes to raising kids. There may be disagreements about what is best and sometimes one will have to give way to another... in my case I have the final say because I am the primary care giver but there must be honesty.

On the question of dating age I may be old school but 15 or 16 works for me. They are in their senior years at school and are become more independant so dating fits. I think though that if a younger child were to already show maturity in say holding down a job, maintaining grades at school and being responsible for their chores in the home that they might be ready for the responsibilities of dating. I think as a parent you will know when you think your child is ready and age won't be the only factor involved in your decision. It will depend on the boy too. I would want to meet him first no matter the age. Call me old fashioned but I don't think it is unreasonable.

I wonder why your daughter is glad now that she didn't go on the group date. Perhaps she innocently thought it was just friends going to the movie and learned after the fact that there was more to it than that.

If the opportunity were to present itself again the only way I would support it is if I were to either go along (which if they were just friends would present no issue for anyone) or I would at least take my son or daughter to the theatre to met up with the other boys and girls whether I knew them already or not. Knowing me if I were to sense any tension I would remind them all that there was to be no hanky panky. I would tell them I had spies in the theatre. If they laughed I would know they were safe, if they rolled their eyes or seemed nervous I would know they were on shaky ground.

I don't think it is a question of trust but wisdom. As adults we know what can happen. It is not about trust it is about safety. Kids will always play the 'trust me' card. The thing is though that they are often asking us to not only trust them but to trust someone else that we don't know much of anything about. She may know karate but you don't want her to find herself in a position of needing to use it to be safe. You want her to be safe going into a situation. That means making sure the situation is in fact safe.

If such an occassion should present itself again I would not only speak to the other girls' parents but the boys parents as well. If it is just a group of kids going to the movies than fine, have fun. If it is a boy girl hook up then 12 is way too young. End of discussion. Wait at least a couple of years and even then you better have proven yourself to be ready for the implications. And one of those implications is getting the approval of your parents.

Don't worry about the moving out threats. I can name a half a dozen girls who used that line on their moms who are still at home in their 20's. A couple left after high school only to discover it is expensive on their own.

One day at a time Lynn. You have a wonderful relationship with your daughter and if she hasn't said so already I would bet you that she appreciates your concern for her.