Oh, Tree! I'm sorry you feel so alone right now. I know you can realize with one part of your head that you aren't alone, and that your T hasn't abandoned you, but to feel it in your heart is a different matter.

I hope you can find the strength to face the rest of today. Bringing up the October stuff is GOOD, even if it feels awful. You're preparing your soil so that good stuff can grow. Even though it feels like *****, and hurts like heck, it is good that you're doing it. And you're strong. You don't have to feel strong to be strong, T. Trees are strong. Even when they look like they're going to break, they bend.