Tree - you can't see it through the computer, but I am crying for you right now - with you. We get it. ((((( tree )))))

You CAN do this. You do have your T and you know you are not alone - even though I know for a fact that the feeling is the worst of all. Please just allow yourself to experience this pain fully. My T told me that we have to pass through the pain in order to really put it behind us once and for all. The years of October stuff have to be seen by the adult you. And you have to mourn in your own way. Allow it to pour out of your soul. With you being alone, this is the tme for you to find your freedom and let it out. You can cry and shout and rage and do what you need to do to express the disaster that your soul has seen. And it is a disaster as certainly as any flood or earthquake. And that is why I shed tears with you now. Dear dear tree.

Keep posting if you can and take breaks to drink water. You are very strong now and that is why your soul is trusting YOU in this time.