I have often felt like I was drowning. The only thing that I could do, was to clear up all the issues at hand. Than after sinking to the bottom, with nothing left to deal with, I would try to rebuild myself.

While rebuilding myself, I would reflect on what were the major issues that messed things up. Sorry to say after 30years, history comes close to repeating itself.

However I have not had a major episode in six years.

Keep swimming, although you feel like your drowning, looking for help on a site like this shows that you are trying and that you will make it.