Thank all of you..last night after a long conversation with DIL's mother I was in tears and feeling I would give dog back. Instead, I came on here and read all your replies...it kind of woke me up from the emotional state of hearing how returning dog could help her daughter be nicer and many other things. I called her back after reading this and left message that the issue is not the dog. also it is not that I took her dog and should give it back. The dog has been with me for 18 months, I have cared for, trained...I rescued the dog from a sad lonely excistance living in a cage. So I would like to make this clear, this is my dog. As dog has been with me, nothing has changed and dog will remain with me. Now I am wondering ....I hae suspected DIL was using me as scapegoat for 1) needing a reason to leave him and 2) the dog, why she won't talk to him. I said on message "I do not think I can talk about this issue anylonger with you. DIL will do as she wants and I have no control over this and these conversations with you about this have filled volumes."
Should I follow up with what I believe to DIL's mother...that her daughter has said things that have suggested she is thinking about divorce before any of this or should just end conversation as it is? well I should probably stop fueling the conflict and not say anything I do not have concrete proof of. I am pretty sure that is best thing to do now. and just learn...what will be the best way for me to help my son? I know he is depressed and has been crying. I don't know what or how I can best help him other than I call every few days and just talk and do not bring up what is going on- unless he does - I am concerned about his depression. He works with my other son, they are together daily in business. Should I talk to other son about this ? maybe mention "I think your brother is heading into or is in state of depression and I am concerned...I hear he is crying often but when alone. you are with him everyday..." I just do not know what to say ...but thank you all for your insight and support. invaluable