I just got back from speaking with the GAL. She said I have to FORCE my daughter to go to Tony's during his scheduled time, because it's court ordered and I agreed to it 4-1/2 years ago.

I told her, and now she's crying and shaking. She doesn't want to go back there, but I have to MAKE her go. I'm just sick.

I was also told that he's concerned I'm more of a friend and not a parent, and that I talk to them too much like grownups.

He saw the GAL a couple of weeks ago already, before I even knew we had the OK to schedule an appointment.

He's trying to blame me for her height and weight problems, saying it's because I had her treated for ADD when he thinks she doesn't have it. For 14 years he hasn't given a crap about either of the kids' health, ont until it was court ordered that he comply with treatment. Now he's trying to get everything overturned. He rules his house with a very heavy hand and expects me to do the same thing at my house.

I'm supposed to give in to his demands because it's written in the settlement agreement that I signed while I was under duress, suicidal, and afraid he'd take me kids away from me permanently. I just want what's fair, and now it's being implied that I'm not a good enough parent by a legal professional because I don't follow Tony's standards of "scream and hit them if they don't do what I say". "Do as I say, not as I do."

I was told by MY lawyer that I couldn't force Alex to go with her father, now the GAL tells me I have to.

She even implied that maybe my daughter is lying because my son won't back her up. He's afraid to rock the boat. Everytime he tells me something, it either starts or ends with "Please don't tell dad I told you this."

I'm sick. I'm a total f*** up.