((((englishteacher))))

Maybe the thought of wallowing in it is because for so long it was all we knew and somehow we had to find comfort in that very thing that kept repeating itself over and over again. Maybe wallowing is somehow a comfort because we learned to make it comfort because what else was there at the time. And finding that safety within what was happening is something we know.

So many times thinking about things that we wish would happen is a way to try to get back. Many times I get caught up in a cyclone and goes around and around until I exhaust myself. My friend will many times call me on it because I cannot see it as it is something that can hit before I really know it.

The thought of it is easier to be depressed than angry or speak up is true. We never could speak up and anger was just not acceptable. So backing down and not saying anything was the safest thing to do then. But is it so much safe now? Or can that hurt us even more? We are still allowing them to have that control in a essence.

To just get over it---would be so nice wouldn't it. I hate those very words. Been told that more times than not. But if it was so easy to do I think everyone would just do it. There are so many things we have to work through. Things that made no sense or things that we had no choice in. And sometimes still today have no choice in. But taking time to understand those things and feeling what you need to feel will allow ones' self to work through what is held deep within.

I hope you will try to journal. Writing things out for me is something that I have done for a long time. It is a way to get it out of my head and in a place that I have the choice to share or not. It gives me some sort of control as to being able to let go as much or as little as I want to. Sometimes when I am depressed I write. It may not always make sense to anyone but it is my thoughts and my feelings as I write. And it gives me a way to release what otherwise just keeps going around and around.

I do thank you for sharing. I understand what you are feeling. I hope you will keep posting and sharing. Know that we are listening and we do care. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps