Jen, he's already broken me, a long time ago. Now he's stomping on the little pieces that are left, to turn them into hamburger.

When she said he accused me of being a friend and not a parent, I said what am I supposed to do when he send me e-mail meant to upset me, minutes before the kids get home, so I'm crying when my daughter walks in the house? When she asks "What? What's wrong? DAD, isn't it?" She said I'm supposed to read them later, after they go to bed. I said then it's too late, because Tony expects answers immediately, so if I wait, I'm being uncooperative and can't make decisions, so he has to do it all himself.

I can't win. I can't win. I can't win. You can't win against a person like this, a person who changes the rules every time contact is made.

I can't pull myself together any more. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. It's hopeless. He's won. I shouldn't even make the kids say anything. It won't matter. Already she thinks my daughter is lying.

Maybe it's gotten to where I need to say "enough, no more fighting. It's not worth it any more. We're not worth it. I'm not worth it."