I was reffered when i was in the hospital but it takes up to 2 months. Ive been out of the hospital for 1 month now

Ive been quite happy for the past 2 weeks but it started to get bad again and its making me think about SU again but id never tell anyone i knew about my thoughts cause id have to goto the hospital just for thinking about it ..... I feel so crazy and horribly depressed all over again my thoughts are racing, im sleeping more, i have almost no appetite, im losing weight, my impulses to do really stupid things is taking control over me and i just plainly want to crawl in a hole and sit there till i die.....
My doctors says im showing signs of being bipolar

GAHH im losing my ****ing mind .......And its been 4 or 5 weeks since i cut and i blew it