I'm feeling really alone. I called my T last night (Sunday) hoping she would get back to me on Monday. She called me back but while I was driving to school so I didn't get the call. She left a message and said that she was really busy today and didn't think she would be able to get back to me again because she had a busy schedule. It left me feeling really suckey for calling in the first place.

She really doesn't seem to be any good at this phone thing. She says to call, but then never seems to have the time to get back to me. I totally understand that she has a busy life and that her personal life comes first. It just seems like there is a total disconnect between when she tells me in session that I should call her if I need to and then what happens when I try to get a hold of her. It leaves me feeling like I am doing something wrong.

If she is always going to be busy and not available by phone then that is fine. It just means that I have to plan my support network differently. What is challenging is that she says to call, and then when I do she is "too busy" (her words). I wish it could just be clearer one way or the other and not this wishy-washy dishwater like clarity. I feel like I just need an answer as to if she is someone I can depend on outside of session or not. Either one is fine. I just need an answer. I'm a little upset about this, I think kind of because I'm not sure if she is going to try and contact me again or not. But mostly I just feel disappointed that she was someone I thought I could depend on who when push comes to shove, isn't really there for me. And if she isn't that is fine. I just need to know. It is so hard for me to reach out and admit that I need help, it gets even harder when I keep getting this muddied answer. And I don't want to make her feel bad for having a life outside of my T hour. That is accepted and reasonable. I just want to know if I can get any response during the rest of the week. I think I might just decide that she isn't going to be there and live like that. Then I wont keep getting hurt. Better for everyone that way.