Blue.. I definitely, definitely don't want to move on to a new T. Actually I feel more connected to her than I've ever felt to another T. I just really don't want her to kick me out!

We might not feel on the same page about goals because I refuse to tell her my goals. We've talked about goals and in the past she was fine with the lack of a concrete "this is when therapy will be over." I'm making tons of progress, so why should I tell her the endpoint? I don't want to tell her the endpoint because then I'll be afraid to reach it because she'll make me go away then! And what if I'm not ready?? And she makes me go away when I don't want to? And actually we talked about this too in my session yesterday, my fear of the end of therapy, but remembering that makes it worse because I'm so worried this conversation was foreshadowing for her kicking me out. I'm not ready! I'm NOT READY!! I'm NOT DONE!!

And so I guess I'm afraid to continue because who KNOWS when she's going to make me go away??

SAWE.. you're probably right. I guess I don't know what the truth is, what she's getting at.. but the truth is she didn't SAY she was trying to make me go away. And I guess there is more than one way of interpreting this..

So I just sent my T an email that said this:

In my mind I am so convinced you are trying to kick me out now, and don’t want me to talk anymore.

Ughhh this is probably just my head.