I think that is sort of it. Two things come to mind. One is the belief that I should not need any kind of taking care of, because I do not deserve it. I think the roots of that are in having been scapegoated. As in, my mother took great care of my brother and to a large extent my sister, but I was not treated the same. Her wrath if I ever made a peep about unfairness was quite devastating.
And, along the same lines, on the few occasions when she did seem to be concerned, she inevitably turned on me later and used the exact vulnerability I had exposed as a weapon against me.
When I put it in black and white like this, it seems to make perfect sense for me to react the way I do. I guess what I need to do is find the courage to allow myself to experience something different.