I have to go back to MHMR tomorrow for a bipolar screening...at least I think that's why I'm going back. The last visit is a bit of a blur, as I was so far into depression that I can't even really remember what I said while I was there.

So, I was diagnosed with severe depression years ago. I got off meds due to finances (yeah, stupid choice). Depression came at me with a vengeance. I'm used to depression. I can relate to depression, but bipolar worries me. Why? don't know.

Still, there may be something there - I was so depressed Monday morning that I worried I wouldn't be able to teach class without crying. I think did cry until about 30 minutes before class. Then, snap - I felt fine...couldn't figure out why I had been so sad. It's weird. It feels weird.

It's not like anything changed or happened Monday. Nope, just more bad news. A colleague of mine lost her husband over the weekend and I found out on Monday. Normally, this would have just added to my depression. It's not that we're close, but I always feel very bad for people who are in mourning. Just watching a movie where someone dies can put me in the darkness.

But no...I feel fine - energetic and ready to do positive wonderful things! Except that in a tiny corner of my brain, I'm terrified of the next depression and strangely, I'm afraid that I might actually be bipolar.