Hello & Welcome, Monkeylover!

I suspect you need to talk to a flesh-and-blood person as soon as possible. Here are a few immediate resources:

Short List of PC Recommended Resources
PC Resources: Crises

That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel free to post here all you want - we all welcome what you have to say. In fact, sorting out your thoughts here may make it easier to express yourself when you talk to someone...but BE SAFE. Talk to someone on the crisis lines immediately if you feel impelled to do something unsafe.

You are important, even if you've temporarily lost a sense of your importance.