May I first say GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You saw through the excuses and rationalizations and stood up for yourself. ATTA GIRL!!!!

Frankly your DIL sounds like a nut case, and nothing you or her mother do will change the DIL's behavior (does her mother REALLY think that by handing over a dog she gave up over a year ago will somehow fix the issues in their marriage? Perhaps the apple does not fall far from the tree?). She needs to take responsiblity for her own actions. Even if you cowed down to these demands, she'll have another excuse down the line that rationalizes her irrational and very bizzare behavior.

As for any help you can give you son, in my opinion the only thing that you can do is be there for him. Listen to him, and give him all the emotional support you can WITHOUT getting sucked into the issues. You don't know what tomorrow will bring and anything you may say now may be later the source of resentment and hard feelings. As hard as it may be, keep your opinions to yourself.

I learned this the hard way years ago, not with my children but with my brother. I never liked his wife. She is/was a self-centered, immature, spoiled brat. For seven years I kept it to myself. When they split up, he was feeling like a failure etc. All those things that you feel in that situation. He commented to my mother that he was concerend about what my reaction would be to the split. She made the comment that I never liked the wife to begin with and decided to share with him all of the negative feelings I've had over the years.

When he called me, I said "I'm really sorry that this didn't work out." Then he revealed what my mother had shared with him and asked why I didn't express these feelings earlier. I lost my common sense for a bit and let loose. I gave him my honest opinion. He agreed entirely. BUTTTTTT three YEARS later, when my father died unexpectedly the loss brought them together again.

He felt the need to tell me how much she'd matured and humbled over those three years and how she'd been there for him etc. Except!!!! At the service my cousin arrived in her brand new BMW and my dear SIL's main concern at that point was that she didn't know if my cousin could see SIL's Rolex from where she was sitting! Even if you're stupid and shallow enough to have these thoughts, you don't express them to the grieving family!!!! Even though I wasn't able to vocalize my thoughts, the look on my face apparently spoke volumes. The end result is my brother and I do not speak really.

Sorry for the book.