Thanks english, rohag, googley for responding to my post.

English - after therapy last night, I feel very exposed. I told my T about the two men. I even lied to him about paying one of them for a counseling session about a year ago. I really find this guy attractive and I could see myself letting something happen with us if we both keep this up. I'm even more confused today than what I was yesterday.

Rohag - true about having a good cry. I usually can sort at my emotions at some point after that happens. Maybe it's a good thing I don't know who I am anymore. I guess I thought I would be better by now and know what I wanted out of life. As far as everyone hating me, I am just a big fat burden to everyone. I feel guilty just posting my feelings on here.

Googley - thank for the hugs. I will pretend they are IRL.