>>> "I want you to ask YOURSELF the questions I ask you" (what does that mean anyway, how the hell do I do that???).

This made sense to me Jexa, here's my take FWIW.
I don't understand myself well, don't yet have the habit of analyzing my thoughts or actions before I speak or act; so my T will ask,

"do you think you may have internalized this [aspect of my parent's behavior] and are now carrying it on yourself? " or

"is there ever a time when you feel ______?" or even

"why didn't you do that?" (this last is a painful one)

When she asks me these, types of things, I am usually speechless, but I do go home asking myself these questions - which I need to be asking myself, but can't yet, and which she has asked for me, so I can hear them - and by the time I see her again I've often come up with some kind of reply, which I share with her. Sometimes I am way off (OK, more than sometimes) but sometimes I do come up with a good answer, a good understanding. jexa