Personally, I agree with lynn P.

You should be checked out medically, to be sure that there isn't anything physical contributing to your pain. Tilted uterus is a common reason for painful sex, especially when a woman isn't into the sex emotionally. Alcohol often puts women into the mood, which provides lubrication, unless she is bombed! Either way (bombed or not), sex should not have to come to the point of having to use alcohol. That is just sad.

Perhaps you use sex as payment to the man for allowing you to take out your anger upon him. It sounds to me as though you have a lot of pent up emotions anxious to come out. All subconsciously...where you don't plan it...but it does recur. Something to think about. If I'm totally wrong, you're free to disregard my personal opinion.

I don't think that now is a real good time for a romantic relationship. You may be eager to fill a void within yourself, but you don't sound ready to be honest and gentle to yourself (imo). Use this time of your life to see a T, and work through the emotions that you're holding onto. The personal growth can allow you to be a much happier person.

Very best wishes and ((hugs)) to you.