thank you for your replies, i have to get thru this. i just hate the ups and downs, been mostly down lately. and me behaving this way affets my friends and family, and knowing that i m doing this to them, makes me even more depressed. sometimes ending all of this for once in for all sounds soo much better. but i know thats not the right thing. i was able to get an appnt with my therapist, but its not for another 2 weeks. also i don't know if the therapist can even help me. everyone keeps telling me "oh its a chemical imbalance and antideps and theraphy will help you" but i don't think they can. but right now i don't have any choice but to try any thing that comes my way to get out of this.