|
Mar 10, 2010, 11:10 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,516
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
So does that mean she doesn't want to talk about it?? She also said she wasn't sure if we were on the same page with goals and asked what it would look like when therapy is over. I left feeling shut down. I feel like she wants me gone and doesn't want me to talk about certain things because they make me feel bad. Yuck... I don't want to go back. I just want to cry.
|
Jexa-I don't think she is saying that she isn't willing and able to listen to what you need to talk about when you are ready, instead I think that she is saying that she wishes that the topics you need to discuss would not cause you such pain. She wishes that you didn't have reason to need to talk about such painful topics.
I think one thing about T goals is that they can be ever changing. When I started T a goal of dealing with being attacked never would have even been on the table for being something to be talked about, much less processed. I don't think I told my newest T I had after it happened about it. I know I didn't tell the one after that about it until I had been seeing her for a long time. But it still wasn't something we were ready to deal with. At that point it was more family stuff and how to deal with them when I went home for school breaks. But now that I am ready, the goal of dealing with the attack is a goal for T. So the goals can change over time. After I process this it might be a goal of dealing with the idea of being in a relationship. But right now that isn't a goal. So goals can change over time. New things develop. That doesn't mean that goals are not good. But they are flexible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
So I just sent my T an email that said this:
In my mind I am so convinced you are trying to kick me out now, and don’t want me to talk anymore.
Ughhh this is probably just my head.
|
I don't think your T will "kick" you out of T. She will let you work until you are ready to go. And then it wont be as scary because you will be ready. I totally know what you mean though about being afraid that T is trying to get rid of you. I went through this one week with my last T and pdoc convinced that they were both trying to get rid of me.  I have no idea where the thought came from. As they had said nothing of the sort. I went into T furious at T and pdoc for trying to get rid of me. But my T was able to calm me down and explain that she was not trying to get rid of me, and neither was pdoc. Your T isn't trying to get rid of you. Though I know that it can be really hard to believe. Especially if we feel like we deserve to be gotten rid of. That the yucky part of inside of us should make them want to get rid of us. That if they knew how bad it was, they will be disgusted and reject us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
UGH AND NOW SHE WRITES THIS BACK:
Definitely not what I'm saying. I do see it as my role, though, to get you to ask yourself the questions you want me to ask, etc.
What does THAT mean??????????
|
I think that this refers back to the topic of goals. She wants you to lead the T in the way to dealing with things that you see as important. But if you wont talk about goals, then she is left to try and guess at what is important to you. Just a guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
Thanks SAWE... thing is, I do ask myself questions and consider myself insightful. I think a lot about why I do things and such. Ohhh but I DON'T think about the solutions for trauma issues and sexual related issues because I don't WANT to. And this is what I'm struggling to try to talk about in therapy. I'm struggling to even think of therapy topics about this. This stuff scares the hell out of me! Do you think that's what she means?
And how, when a part of the problem is BIGTIME avoidance, do you allow your mind to ask those questions and go there? I have this huge mental block!! If that's what she means, ughh WHAT questions? I can't think of even one.
|
Have you discussed the mental block you have when it comes to talking about this? Sometimes process comments about how hard it is are important. It will let her know why you seem to be "avoiding" (not that you are) these tough issues. She can't know what is going on in your head when you don't talk about it, so she has to guess. She wants you to go at a pace that is comfortable for you, but doesn't know where to go exactly. That is what I get from what she has written to you.
I hope you talk to your T about all this. It is important to talk about the difficulty of talking about some of these things before we talk about them. To make sure that it is safe and our experiences will be accepted.
Be gentle. I think your T cares a lot about you and just wants to make sure that the two of you are working on things that are important to you, and not things that she only thinks is important.
|