Call first thing about friend failing. Rushed over,he's unconscious. Arranged for Morphine and a catheter. A bit annoyed about a team leader's response from the Home Health agency. She treated me like crap. This is the agency I work closely with in my job and at times it can be adversarial. I had called and left a message that friend needed a catheter as he was retaining and then when I was on the phone with someone else I hit the wrong button for call waiting and called the Home Health agency back and the team leader was extremely rude and condescending to me. I basically said this is personal and she yelled and said someone would be there. I tried to explain about the call waiting issue and she was a nasty snot. Anyway the nurse came, a very nice woman I have met one time before and put in a catheter. He was retaining!!!!!! 400 cc and later another 300 and then it's been nothing as his body shuts down. I got the morphine and the scopolamine from the doc and had a friend pick it up. She brought it out to the house for me and helped me turn him and get the wet chux from under him and wash him. All day long there were people in and out and lots of family staying. Lots of singing and pictures and laughing. He is unconscious but still able to respond some. Laughed when we sang; "she be wearing red silk pajamas when she comes". He is a party man and we had a party. I just got home and expect that I will get another call about another change. I feel really good that his step daughter who is a respiratory therapist is there as she is really good at the meds and observations, better then I, more sure of self, and I forgot my glasses at work yesterday and need to use a magnifying glass to see the syringes. That's made everyone laugh as well. Picture me trying to read music with it.

It has been a celebration of his life and that is a good thing. He is mostly comfortable though when we have to turn him to one side to tend his bottom he hurts. He has two broken arms in multiple places from bone cancer and he can only lie on his back. I have an air matress under his butt and I have been having his son's help me position him with a draw sheet. He is choking on his own secretions, thus the scopolamine patch, no amount of positioning can help that much but morphine can. I have been having him roll on the less painful side to me and cradle him as others do his bottom and position the bedding.
We laughed so hard tonight I had an asthma attack. His wife was accidentally pulling on the hose to the catheter and we started telling her if she was going to do that we would leave and it took her a few minutes and a few funnies to get our dirty minds.

We have been taking turns lying and snuggling with him all day. He is in his own bed. So natural to snuggle up. He is so hot and I have been bathing him all day. It's that cooking body of death.

Family came together despite a really bad evening last night and the pictures arrived and everyone was great. So many loving friends. He and I are both blessed. Thanks for being here with me everyone, Eskie, I am choosing to not have this be a devastating horrible thing but a passage that I am a witness to and a guide to the door. We are all blessed.

One son, daughter in law, and step daughter and I will take him to the crematorium together when the time comes. I know how to get all of the permits now. Thankfully.

I am worried about how long it will go on because I missed work today and probably will tomorrow. I do not have paid time. I don't feel as though I can be anywhere else but there though. I don't want a call that he has passed. I need to be able to be there.