kp, hugs to you my dear friend.

I went through something similar most of last week, when one of my other parts, who hasn't yet identified themselves, chased away the littles that I do have contact with and left me feeling very isolated, alone and afraid. They were on a rampage for sure. And it was a bunch of negative dialogue that by the end of the week I was almost convinced was true because of how much rage was behind their "voice". I could barely get 5 to come back out this Monday for little's group. It was a hard week.

After 5 did come back out we had a talk about her trying to stand up to this other part next time instead of hiding, because right now she is my bravest friend inside, and part of me thinks she could scare away any monster if she knew I needed her.

Are there any others inside that you could ask to help you on your team right now?

I have also seriously considered hypnotism for years because I do not know what did or did not happen to me either. All I have are the after-effects, which my entire life I tried to rationalize away. My mother to this day insists that I am essentially "making a big deal out of nothing". Or tells me that "it's normal". Meanwhile these after effects (don't want to go into detail for many reasons) have defined my life since early childhood. And it has never felt normal or ok to me.

Sorry if that isn't much help. But we love you kp, and we send many many hugs and lots and lots of love and strength.